Marriage is often portrayed as the culmination of a romantic journey, but what happens after the wedding is where the real work begins. The keys to a successful and happy marriage are not found in fairy tales but in the everyday habits and choices of couples. From communication to compromise, from self-care to seeking outside help when needed, here are some essential strategies for cultivating and sustaining marital happiness.

1 Conversation:- Over time, couples may become complacent and gradually stop engaging in meaningful conversations. This lack of communication can lead to a loss of interest in each other and create emotional distance within the relationship.

When couples cease talking to each other, they may inadvertently seek emotional connection elsewhere, potentially leading to infidelity or the temptation to find someone else more interesting. However, we have an alternative approach: instead of allowing communication to dwindle, couples should actively converse with each other.

By engaging in open and honest conversations about their day-to-day experiences, thoughts, and feelings, couples can reignite the spark in their relationship. We put the importance of discovering and appreciating the depth of one’s partner through dialogue. It suggests that by genuinely listening and sharing with each other, spouses can uncover new facets of their partner’s personality and find renewed interest and appreciation in their relationship.

Ultimately, the message emphasizes that by prioritizing communication and actively engaging with each other, couples can strengthen their bond and rediscover the inherent fascination and value within their relationship, thus negating the need to seek connection elsewhere.

2. Silence:- While communication is vital in a relationship, there’s also a need to recognize and respect individual differences in communication styles and preferences.

For some individuals, constant talking can be exhausting, while others thrive on it. People have varying needs when it comes to conversation; some may require a lot of it to feel connected and fulfilled, while others may find too much chatter overwhelming.

Therefore, we advise couples to allow their conversations to naturally ebb and flow. Sometimes, conversations will be lively and full of words, while at other times, silence can be equally refreshing and rejuvenating. Embracing both the moments of lively interaction and the quiet pauses allows couples to find contentment in the rhythm of their communication.

Ultimately, the key message is to find happiness and fulfillment in the quality of the communication shared, rather than the quantity. By respecting each other’s need for both conversation and silence, couples can create a balanced and harmonious dynamic in their relationship.

3. Togetherness:- Over time, couples may find themselves drifting apart due to a lack of common interests or shared activities. As a result, they may begin to lead separate lives, engaging in activities primarily with friends or independently rather than spending quality time together.

To counteract this tendency, we suggest several strategies:

  1. Enjoying Each Other’s Activities: Rather than solely pursuing individual interests, couples should make an effort to participate in each other’s hobbies and activities. This not only allows for shared experiences but also fosters a deeper understanding and appreciation of each other’s passions.
  2. Developing Common Interests: Actively seeking out activities that both partners enjoy can help strengthen the bond between them. By exploring new hobbies or interests together, couples can create opportunities for bonding and connection.
  3. Having Fun Together: Making time for enjoyable activities as a couple is essential for maintaining a sense of closeness and happiness in the relationship. Whether it’s going on adventures, trying new things, or simply spending quality time together at home, prioritizing fun and enjoyment can reignite the spark in the relationship.

Overall, we emphasizes the importance of actively nurturing togetherness in a marriage by cultivating shared interests, participating in each other’s activities, and finding joy in spending time together. By prioritizing these aspects, couples can strengthen their connection and build a fulfilling and lasting relationship.

4. Space:- While spending time together is important, we acknowledge that constantly being in each other’s company can sometimes become overwhelming or stifling.

Here’s a breakdown of the key points:

  1. Avoiding Overwhelm: Doing everything together can lead to feelings of suffocation or exhaustion, as it leaves little room for personal time or pursuits. Couples may start to feel as though they are losing their individual identities within the relationship.
  2. Granting Space: To alleviate this strain, we suggest giving each other space to pursue personal interests, hobbies, and friendships. Allowing for individual time apart not only provides a break from the intensity of constant togetherness but also fosters personal growth and fulfillment.
  3. Appreciating Togetherness: By taking time apart, couples can gain a fresh perspective and appreciation for each other’s company. When they come back together, they can celebrate and cherish the moments spent together, having had the opportunity to miss each other and rejuvenate independently.

Overall, we advocate for a healthy balance between togetherness and individuality in marriage. By respecting each other’s need for space and autonomy, couples can maintain a strong sense of self within the relationship while also nurturing their bond through shared experiences and quality time together.

5. Conflict Resolution:- The inevitability of disagreements or conflicts within a marriage and emphasizes the importance of handling them constructively. Here’s a breakdown of the key points:

  1. Normalizing Conflict: Conflict is a natural part of any relationship, including marriage. When two individuals with their own thoughts, feelings, and perspectives come together, differences are bound to arise. It’s essential to recognize that occasional arguments or disagreements are not indicative of a failing relationship but rather an opportunity for growth and understanding.
  2. Constructive Argumentation: Instead of viewing conflict as a negative aspect of marriage, we encourage couples to learn how to argue in a healthy and constructive manner. This involves focusing on the issue at hand rather than attacking each other personally. By addressing the problem together and working towards finding a resolution, couples can strengthen their communication skills and deepen their connection.
  3. Reconciliation: After a disagreement, it’s important for couples to make amends and reconcile their differences. This involves apologizing, forgiving, and moving forward together. Making up and reconnecting after a conflict can be a bonding experience and often leads to a renewed sense of closeness and intimacy.

Ultimately, we highlight that conflict is a normal part of marriage and can even be an opportunity for growth and strengthening the relationship if handled constructively. By approaching disagreements with respect, understanding, and a focus on reconciliation, couples can navigate conflicts successfully and maintain a happy and healthy marriage.

6. Grace:-The importance of grace within a marriage, particularly in the context of forgiveness, patience, and understanding. Here’s a breakdown of the key points:

  1. Forgiveness: Giving grace means being willing to forgive each other for mistakes, misunderstandings, or conflicts that may arise in the relationship. The phrase “one and done” suggests that after forgiveness is granted, it’s important to let go of the issue and not hold onto resentment or bring up past grievances repeatedly. This allows couples to move forward and focus on building a positive future together.
  2. Patience and Understanding: Grace also involves having patience and understanding towards each other’s flaws, imperfections, and moments of weakness. Not every issue needs to be turned into a heated argument or confrontation. Sometimes, it’s best to exercise patience and let minor issues slide, recognizing that both partners are human and will inevitably have “less than stellar moments.”
  3. Moving On: we encourage couples to move on from disagreements or challenges and prioritize happiness and harmony in the relationship. Holding onto grudges or dwelling on past conflicts only breeds resentment and negativity, ultimately undermining the foundation of the marriage. By choosing to let go of minor grievances and focusing on the positive aspects of the relationship, couples can cultivate a sense of peace and contentment.

In summary, giving grace in a marriage involves extending forgiveness, practicing patience and understanding, and letting go of minor issues to prioritize happiness and harmony in the relationship. By embracing these principles, couples can build a stronger and more resilient bond based on mutual respect, acceptance, and love.

8. Love:- Enduring the importance of love in a marriage, particularly during challenging times or when feelings may fluctuate. Here’s a breakdown of the key points:

  1. Consistent Love: Love is described as being present “in it all and through it all,” indicating that it should remain a constant and unwavering force in the relationship. Regardless of external circumstances or internal struggles, couples are encouraged to continue loving each other deeply and unconditionally.
  2. Remembering Why You Started: Reflecting on the reasons why the relationship began can reignite feelings of love and commitment, serving as a reminder of the bond shared between partners. By recalling the initial spark that brought them together, couples can rediscover their connection and renew their dedication to each other.
  3. Acting in Love: Love is portrayed as an action rather than solely a feeling. Even when feelings of love may wane, couples are encouraged to demonstrate love through their actions, words, and gestures towards each other. This may involve acts of kindness, support, and affection, even during times of fatigue or stress.
  4. Persistence in Love: Despite challenges or periods of emotional distance, we suggest that by continuing to love each other, couples can eventually rekindle their feelings of love and happiness. By staying committed to the relationship and nurturing their love over time, couples can overcome obstacles and find fulfillment in each other once again.

In summary, we emphasize the enduring power of love in a marriage and encourages couples to prioritize love as a guiding force in their relationship. By remembering the foundation of their love, acting with love in both good times and bad, and persisting in their commitment to each other, couples can find lasting happiness and fulfilment in their marriage.

More points to keep in mind

Put Yourself First:- The importance of self-care and personal fulfillment within a marriage. Here’s a breakdown of the key points:

  1. Putting Yourself First: Just like the safety instructions on an airplane advise passengers to secure their own oxygen masks before assisting others, prioritizing your own well-being is crucial in a marriage. By taking care of your own needs and seeking personal satisfaction, you’re better equipped to support your partner and contribute positively to the relationship.
  2. Lowering Expectations: Seeking fulfillment from within yourself rather than relying solely on your spouse can help reduce undue pressure on the relationship. When you’re able to meet your own needs and find contentment independently, you’re less likely to place unrealistic expectations on your partner to provide constant validation or happiness.
  3. Personal Responsibility: We encourages taking personal responsibility for your own happiness and satisfaction. Instead of expecting your partner to fulfill all your needs, it’s empowering to ask yourself what you can do to meet your own needs and address any emotional issues that arise.
  4. Developing Personal Interests: Investing time and energy into your own interests and hobbies enriches your sense of self and makes you a more interesting and fulfilled individual. This not only enhances your personal growth but also maintains the attraction and desirability your partner initially found in you.
  5. Handling Relationship Issues: Strengthening your sense of self enables you to navigate challenges within the relationship more effectively. By fostering a strong personal identity, you’re better equipped to communicate your needs, resolve conflicts, and maintain a healthy balance between independence and togetherness.

Overall, we emphasize the importance of self-care, personal growth, and maintaining a strong sense of self within a marriage. By prioritizing your own well-being and fulfillment, you not only enhance your individual happiness but also contribute positively to the health and longevity of your relationship.

Set Boundaries:-

the importance of setting boundaries within a relationship for the well-being of both partners. Here’s a breakdown of the key points:

  1. Boundaries as Healthy: Contrary to the belief that complete transparency is necessary in a relationship, it’s perfectly acceptable and even beneficial to establish boundaries. Boundaries define what is acceptable and comfortable for each individual within the relationship, promoting a sense of autonomy and respect for personal space.
  2. Definition of Boundaries: We provide a definition of boundaries from Prentis Hemphill, which describes them as the distance at which one can simultaneously love themselves and their partner. In other words, boundaries allow individuals to maintain their own identities and self-respect while also nurturing their relationship.
  3. Self-Preservation: Setting boundaries serves as a form of self-preservation, ensuring that each partner’s emotional and physical needs are respected and protected. By establishing clear boundaries, individuals can protect themselves from feeling overwhelmed or compromised within the relationship.
  4. Maintaining Sense of Self: Boundaries are essential for maintaining a strong sense of self within a relationship, as they prevent one partner from becoming overly enmeshed or dependent on the other. By honoring each other’s boundaries, couples can foster a healthy balance between intimacy and independence.

Overall, we emphasize that setting boundaries is not only acceptable but also essential for maintaining a healthy and fulfilling relationship. By defining personal limits and expectations, individuals can ensure that their needs are met while also respecting the needs of their partner, thus fostering mutual understanding, respect, and harmony within the relationship.

Do Daily Check-Ins:-

the concept of daily check-ins as a tool for strengthening relationships. Here’s a breakdown of how it works and its benefits:

  1. Setup: The daily check-in involves setting aside a specific time each day, typically around ten minutes, for partners to connect and share about their day. To facilitate the check-in, you’ll need a timer and a deck of cards.
  2. Process: Partners take turns sharing both positive and negative aspects of their day. The person who draws the highest card from the deck gets to choose who goes first. Each partner then has the opportunity to express what went well during their day (the “great” part) and what challenges they faced (the “crummy” part).
  3. Purpose: Daily check-ins serve multiple purposes in strengthening the relationship. Firstly, they provide an opportunity for partners to actively listen to each other and empathize with their experiences. Sharing both positive and negative aspects of the day fosters open communication and deepens emotional intimacy.
  4. Understanding Emotions: The check-in also helps partners understand each other’s emotional states better. If one partner expresses worry, upset, or stress later in the day, the context provided during the check-in helps the other partner understand that these emotions may not be directed at them personally. This depersonalization of emotions reduces misunderstandings and promotes empathy and support within the relationship.

In summary, daily check-ins serve as a structured and effective way for partners to connect, communicate, and support each other on a daily basis. By sharing both positive and negative aspects of their day, partners deepen their understanding of each other and strengthen their emotional connection, fostering a healthier and more resilient relationship.

Treat Favors Like Poker Chips:-

This concept suggests treating favors within a relationship like poker chips to help gauge their value and importance. Here’s how it works:

  1. Favors and Commitments: In any relationship, partners often do things for each other that may not align with their personal interests. These favors can range from small gestures to larger commitments, such as attending social events or family gatherings.
  2. Imaginary Poker Chips: The analogy introduces the idea of assigning a value, represented by poker chips, to each favor or request. Each partner has a set of these “chips” to use when considering whether to agree to a favor. The larger the favor or commitment, the more “chips” it may require.
  3. Decision-Making Process: When faced with a significant request, partners are encouraged to pause and consider whether it’s worth “cashing in” one of their poker chips. This metaphorical exchange forces partners to think critically about the impact of the request on their time, energy, and emotional well-being.
  4. Communication: If a partner decides to agree to the favor, they communicate this by indicating that they’re “cashing in” a poker chip. This signals to the other partner the significance of the request and underscores the importance of mutual respect and appreciation within the relationship.
  5. Appreciation and Respect: By introducing the poker chip tactic, partners are reminded to continuously appreciate and respect each other’s contributions and sacrifices within the relationship. It encourages thoughtful consideration of each other’s needs and desires, fostering a deeper understanding and mutual support.

Overall, the poker chip analogy serves as a practical tool for couples to navigate requests and commitments within their relationship, promoting communication, respect, and appreciation for each other’s contributions.

Honor What Annoys You:-

This concept suggests addressing annoyances or minor grievances within the relationship in a timely and strategic manner. Here’s how it works:

  1. Addressing Annoyances: It’s common for partners to have habits or behaviors that annoy each other. While it may feel uncomfortable to constantly point out these annoyances, addressing them when they’re still small prevents them from festering and turning into larger issues or resentments later on.
  2. Strategic Communication: We suggest using daily check-ins or other structured conversations as opportunities to bring up minor annoyances or grievances. However, it’s essential to approach these discussions strategically and sensitively to avoid unnecessary conflict or hurt feelings.
  3. Balance of Positivity and Negativity: Neuroscientific research suggests that for every negative interaction, there should be at least five positive interactions to maintain a healthy balance in the relationship. While it may not always be feasible to list five compliments before raising an annoyance, the practice encourages partners to regularly acknowledge and appreciate each other’s positive qualities.
  4. Positive Attributes: By consciously focusing on and sharing positive attributes and experiences, partners cultivate a more positive and supportive dynamic within the relationship. This helps balance out the occasional frustrations or annoyances that may arise.
  5. Avoiding Misinterpretation: By incorporating positive feedback alongside constructive criticism, partners can prevent the recipient of the feedback from interpreting it as a defining characteristic or personal attack. This approach fosters a more constructive and understanding dialogue, reducing the likelihood of defensiveness or resentment.

Overall, honoring what annoys you involves addressing minor annoyances in a timely and constructive manner, balancing feedback with positivity, and promoting open communication and mutual understanding within the relationship.

Don’t Look to Social Media for Affirmation:-

This advice cautions against seeking affirmation for your relationship through social media and encourages introspection about your motivations for sharing online. Here’s a breakdown of the key points:

  1. Social Media Pressure: In today’s digital age, there’s often pressure, especially among younger generations like millennials and Gen Z, to showcase one’s relationship on social media. Posting about your partner online can sometimes feel obligatory or necessary to establish a certain image or narrative.
  2. Introspection: Before sharing about your relationship online, it’s important to pause and reflect on your motivations. Ask yourself why you feel compelled to post and what you hope to gain from it. Are you seeking validation or approval from others? Are you trying to portray a specific image or narrative?
  3. Internal Work: We suggest that the true strength of a relationship comes from the internal dynamics between partners, rather than external validation from social media. Seeking affirmation from others online may distract from the real work needed to nurture and sustain a healthy relationship.
  4. Authenticity: Instead of seeking validation through likes, comments, or shares on social media, prioritize authenticity in your relationship. Your partnership is unique, and its value should be measured by the personal validation and satisfaction you feel within the relationship, rather than external perceptions or opinions.
  5. Honesty and Reflection: While sharing moments of joy or milestones online can be meaningful, it’s essential to be honest with yourself about your intentions for posting. Being mindful of your motivations can help ensure that your online presence authentically reflects your relationship and values.

In summary, this advice encourages couples to be mindful of the role of social media in their relationship and to prioritize internal validation and authenticity over seeking external affirmation. By reflecting on their motivations for sharing online, couples can strengthen their connection and focus on nurturing their relationship from within.

Know When It’s Time to Seek Outside Help:-

This advice highlights the importance of recognizing when outside help, such as marriage counseling, may be beneficial for a relationship. Here’s a breakdown of the key points:

  1. Indicators for Seeking Help: While every relationship is unique, there are some general signs that it might be time to seek professional assistance. These include:
    • When issues in the relationship become too difficult to discuss directly with your partner, leading you to talk about them with others instead.
    • When there’s a sense of secrecy or withholding within the relationship, preventing open and honest communication between partners.
  2. Recognizing the Need for Communication: If you find it challenging to openly discuss important issues with your partner or if there’s a lack of transparency between you, seeking help from a professional counselor can provide guidance and support in improving communication.
  3. Realistic Expectations: It’s essential to understand that counseling is not a quick fix and may require multiple sessions to see progress. Finding the right counselor and establishing a comfortable rapport takes time. Committing to at least four visits allows you to assess whether the counselor understands your concerns and whether you feel heard and supported.
  4. Finding the Right Match: Like dating, finding the right counselor is about compatibility and connection. Pay attention to how you feel during counseling sessions and whether you believe the counselor understands your perspective. If you feel understood and supported by the counselor, it’s a positive sign that you’ve found a good match.

In summary, this advice encourages couples to be aware of signs indicating when outside help may be necessary and to approach counseling with realistic expectations. By seeking assistance when needed and finding a compatible counselor, couples can work towards resolving issues and strengthening their relationship.

Here is a real time story

Husband: “Hey, you’re still asleep? It’s already 9:30.”

Me: “Oh, sorry, I didn’t realize.”

Husband: “No worries. I’ve made tea and coffee. Take your pick. There’s rice in the cooker if you’re hungry. I’m off to the office now. Take care, okay? Bye!”

Me: “Thanks.”

Love, this wasn’t the scenario in our first year of marriage; it happened during the 3rd. You have to put effort into setting aside the ego of who’s putting in more work to build it!

Me: “I’m going to my friend’s wedding. I might not know exactly when I’ll be back.”

Husband: “Sure, no problem.”

Me: “I made groundnut powder and tomato gojju.”

Husband: “I could have ordered food.”

Me: “I know, but I made them because they’re your favorites.”

Responsibility didn’t come right after he married me, but it grew with time.

Me: “I need some money, around 15k, not just for shopping.”

Husband: “I’ll transfer it tonight.”

Later, I receive a bank message.

Me: “You transferred 30k?”

Husband: “Yeah.”

Me: “I asked for only 15k.”

Husband: “I know you don’t waste money.”

Me: “Thanks a lot!”

Trust, it binds two souls, two partners.

Husband: “I think we’ll be short on money next year because of the personal loan I took.”

Me: “We’ll manage with my salary. It’s okay. I’ll cut down on shopping and groceries. We can have simple meals.”

Adjustment, I learned to adjust because it’s necessary.

Me: “Let’s go to the mall this weekend.”

Husband: “Why are you always adamant about malls? Can you tell me what’s special there?”

Me: “I like malls. Do you have any other plans?”

Husband: “I wanted to visit a serene place, maybe a temple.”

Compromise, two individuals have differing opinions. So, compromising is respect.

Me: After a quarrel with my husband

Husband: Misunderstands

The fight doesn’t end soon.

Me: “It may take days to resolve our issues, but let’s not involve our parents. The topic might be about them, but we won’t allow them to interfere.”

Husband: “You’re right!”

Understanding grows with time.

Respect, Love, Trust, Responsibility, Adjustments, Compromise, Understanding, Appreciation, Support, Finances, Money and Minimal interference from both sets of parents build a healthy marriage. However, one has to ensure to take substantial efforts to nurture it with an enormous amount of Patience which is the most important thing in marriage. And keep aside ego with not pondering over who will/made the first move